I’d like to share my thoughts on my interview with Hand Waves birth. It really had an impact on me. During the interview, I was so fascinated with how amazing the woman’s body is. Or any birthing body, really. These bodies are able to create life, and during pregnancy, the body’s organs actually move and adjust to get ready to give birth. Wow, is that painful? I remember thinking, wow, that’s like the ultimate act of strength that a woman can do. Whether it’s a natural birth or by C-section, you’re bringing life into this world.

Then at the same time, I remember thinking that I will probably never experience that. And that’s really something I struggle with. That’s one topic I often want to touch on and talk about more, and that’s been a raw topic for me for a long time. I don’t have kids. Often people look at me and the lifestyle I have and assume that I don’t want kids, or that I don’t have kids because I want to keep focused on myself and my own goals. But what many might not realize is that there was a time in my life where I really, really wanted kids. I did nothing but try to have kids for a good two to three years. What’s ironic about that time in my life is that I feel I lost myself as a woman. I was forgetting myself as I tried to conceive and carry a pregnancy full-term.

It’s a complicated relationship I have with that time in my life, but it’s behind me now. I found myself again as a woman, and of course I felt like the best thing I could do would be to shift focus and move on with my life. Set new goals for myself. And yes, I am proud to be a woman and I love everything I do, for myself and for other women.

But yeah, I won’t lie. I have that inner thought of, will I ever experience having kids? I think that by now, I’ve already made peace with the fact that I probably won’t become pregnant and give birth. But I would still love to have kids one day. Who knows? I could end up with someone who already has kids, or be with somebody who wants kids and we could make it happen. Who knows? Or, I really wouldn’t mind adopting or fostering. So that’s still very much a part of my desires.

Back to my point about the act of getting pregnant and bringing life into this world. How the human body works, and how women’s and birthing bodies really are designed beautifully to bring life to the world. Something that may not happen for me. I have my wistful moments of thinking about how maybe I won’t experience that. What does that mean for me as a woman? Am I any less of a woman because I’m not having kids? It’s a discussion I have often with friends to get their outlook on things.

I know that many mothers do struggle with their identity. But also, those of us who don’t have children struggle with our identity too. I know it’s a very complex issue. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be in a birthing room to witness a birth happening. Or maybe there’s another way to connect with that experience, living through it secondhand.

But yeah, my thoughts after interviewing with Hand Waves birth. I have so much respect for Ally and Brittany and everything they do! They had many beautiful stories from their many experiences working with people giving birth. I left that interview feeling so much admiration for them and their work with Hand Waves birth. I was in awe! And of course, that ignited my thinking about what it means for me in my path ahead. I really cherish that experience with them. And there’s more to the story with them too. The next one will be on the topic of placenta, it’s fascinating and I’m excited to show you all soon.