What would you say to a person who is dealing with cancer without offending them? How would you respond to someone who is wearing a wig? This episode will answer these questions and give you some tips on what to say and not to say.

Transcript:
[Visual Description: Stephanie – a white female, dressed in black shirt with Pink Wings of Hope logo and butterfly design, in front of a textured purple background.]

[Image in corner: Four illustrated people looking at each other with question marks above their heads and a caption saying, “What do you say?”]

[Stephanie] What would you do? What would you say if you find out that someone in your family or a close friend was recently diagnosed with cancer? Sometimes it’s tough when you see someone you care about so much dealing with cancer and you are not sure of what to say. If you’re experiencing the feeling of shock, fear, and sadness, it may be hard to keep your emotions in check and say the right thing. People who are dealing with cancer would feel the same. They have their own emotions to deal with too, while fighting cancer.

[Image in corner: Blue background with speech bubbles, “Say this” and “Not this”]

[Stephanie] It is okay to say, “I don’t know what to say.” The best thing you could do is just be there and listen without trying to inject your own opinion, ask some appropriate questions.

[Image in corner: Four illustrated people arm in arm, all wearing a variety of different colored cancer ribbons on a silver background.]

[Stephanie] Each person’s journey with cancer is different, so try avoiding comparing one experience to another. For example, their tumor may be stage 2 while other is stage 4 or one may be aggressive while the other is not. Sometimes the person who is dealing with cancer may not feel comfortable to talk about their treatment, so do not force them to talk but acknowledge that you are here for them.

[Image in corner: Woman handing over a box of groceries to another woman, in front of the house and both wearing masks.]

[Stephanie] There are ways to give support, for example, you could set up a list of volunteers to help with cooking or set up a meal drive,

[Image in corner: Illustrated people wearing masks, two groups of individuals helping with groceries, walking, and giving tea.]

[Stephanie] offer to drive to the doctor’s office or run errands,

[Image in corner: Light blue background with clouds, plant, and a playhouse. Illustration of a woman and a child playing with dolls.]

[Stephanie] or if they have children- help with babysitting for a couple hours or take the kids out for an activity. Don’t be afraid to ask how you could help around the house.

[Image in corner: White background, three illustrated people. One person is lying in a hospital bed with an IV on her arm. Two others are standing around, one holding the hands of the woman laying down and the other handing over white flowers.]

[Stephanie] Try to be mindful with what you say to a person with cancer. You may mean well but some statements can be hurtful.

[Image in corner: Two illustrated people, one consoling a person with a hand on their shoulder, on a white/light blue background with clouds and grass.]

[Stephanie] For example, “Everything is going to be fine” is not an appropriate thing to say to a person who is fighting Cancer. With a disease that has a percentage of casualty, and the thought of death and dying is already looming in their head, to hear someone saying, “everything is going to be fine”, they would likely take it as an insult. Because in reality, no one knows if everything would turn out fine. It’s better to avoid being a cheerleader with a positive outlook in the future. Focus on the current situation and say something supportive like “we’ll get through this together.” Instead of saying “I don’t think you’d be feeling up for it.”, say “Would you like to give it a try?”. Instead of “I had a friend who died of cancer,” say “I had a friend with cancer, and I can imagine it would be tough to go through.”

[Image in corner: Wooden background, white woman with glasses, smiling and holding her wig, wearing a blue top and jacket.]

[Stephanie] Instead of saying “that wig looks good on you”, say “It’s great to see you!” and if they mention their wig, listen to how they’re feeling about it and determine if now’s the right time for a compliment.

It can be challenging to say the right thing when you are trying to be sensitive to their needs and emotions.

[Image in corner: Two illustrated people in red chat boxes, communicating with each other.]

[Stephanie] The better approach is to say that you don’t know much about that type of cancer and ask to tell you more about it? Give them the reins of what information to share or not share. Some patients might answer your questions, other patients may not want to, and that’s okay. It’s important that you do not push them to respond. All they need is for you to just be there and listen.