(From our church-wide devotion book at Pinedale Christian Church, "You 2.0")
I was 30 years old when I became a follower of Jesus, and it happened during the darkest season of my life. I was 5 years into a difficult marriage. I met “Tom” when I was 16 and thought he was the one I would marry. I had committed myself to this idea and to him. I loved the idea of marriage and the ‘safety’ of having someone that I was one with. Little did I know that this commitment would be heartbreaking, challenging, and life-changing. Ironically, Tom is the one who gotme back to Church. He met a preacher who was a deer hunter, and they hit it off. From the first Sunday, I was drawn in. I had never attended a church that was so alive. The worship music and the powerful, life-changing sermons took root in me. I began attending a women’s Bible study, and I fell in love with Jesus.
At the same time, things with Tom were getting colder. Tom grew up in a very difficult home. I thought if I loved him enough, I could ‘save’ him and show him a different kind of life - one filled with love and commitment. I was naive enough to believe I truly had this much “power.” I didn’t.
Tom had approached me 2 different times during our 5 years of marriage, at this point, that perhaps ‘we needed to separate.’ He just wasn’t sure that we should be together. (I later learned that he was cheating.) We went to our pastor for counseling, and we also went to a licensed counselor outside of the Church for counseling. I also began to pray. I was learning what depending on Jesus, looked like. I was learning to trust HIM and lean onto and into HIS Word for strength.
We made some progress, but by year 7 of our marriage, things had gotten really bad. For the previous 2 years, I had grown in my relationship with Jesus, and my prayers were also changing: I prayed that God would ‘fix’ me, fix Tom, and if it was HIS will a new husband. I had also prayed that if my marriage dissolved, He wouldgive me HIS strength to get through. Remember, I loved this man since I was 16, and I was hanging on. I specifically prayed for Wisdom and for God to show me what to do going forward.
August of 2006 it happened. Tom came to me and said, ‘I think we should divorce.’ This was a moment I had expected, but also a moment I feared. I had nothing left to say, give, or do. I simply said, okay.
That day, God did something huge in my heart. I once thought of myself as “Tom’s.” I now knew I was “Jesus’s.” He was the love of my life, and His strength got me through this – the most difficult event of my life, at that point. I no longer feared the journey ahead. I had absolutely nothing to lose at this point. I had lost my marriage. But I was ALL IN with Jesus, and something new was happening in me.
One image I can remember so vividly, it seems like it was yesterday: My loving parents drove a truck all the way to Michigan to haul me, my dog, and my belongings back to North Carolina. My mom drove my car home. I sat in the passenger seat with my feet pressed against the glove box, hugging my knees to my chest.
The sun was warming and comforting. As we passed under the leaving Michigan sign, I closed my eyes and felt the most amazing peace I have ever experienced before. My physical life was chaotic, but my spiritual life was so alive, and my relationship with Jesus was full of love, trust, and strength. I was not alone. I felt the presence of Christ as I had never felt it before.
Philippians 4:6-9 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
At the lowest, darkest, scariest moment of my life, I learned to lean on God, and He was enough for me. And He has been enough for me every single day since.

“Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light.” Helen Keller

A story is told of a town where all the residents are ducks. Every Sunday, the ducks waddle out of their houses and waddle down Main Street to their Church. They waddle into the sanctuary and squat in their proper pews. The duck choir waddles in and takes its place, and then the duck minister comes forward and opens the duck Bible. He reads to them: “Ducks! God has given you wings! With wings, you can fly! With wings, you can mount up and soar like eagles. No walls can confine you! No fences can hold you! You have wings. God has given you wings, and you can fly like birds!” All the ducks shout, “Amen!” And then they all waddle home.