Some people wear their negativity like a coat, because their pain offers them a kind of warmth, a defense, borne from familiarity. The delight, hurt people feel, in hurting others, is the chance to momentarily humanize their own suffering, to recognize something of what they feel on the inside, on display in another — finding comfort in the knowledge that they are not alone in their pain, the outcome of their negativity towards others offers temporary validation, fleeting feelings of being understood. And so in negativity they cyclically look for their salvation, because the alternative option of authentically unpacking and transforming their trauma seems too painful, too scary, too uncomfortable — so they reject engaging in transformative self-love, and instead, continue transferring the pain of their trauma to all areas of their life, to all people in their life.

•• Simple not easy. ••

Understanding the theoretical concept of: “hurt people tend to hurt people,” is simple, however, remembering to apply it in practice, so that it shapes our responses from reflexive reactions to appropriate approaches, is not always easy. For me, it’s not easy to remember all that theory in the moment, but what has worked for me has been to first commit, in my mind, to practice kindness and love towards everyone I meet as a basic principle of how I want to live my life. Commit to connecting the macro of my value system with the micro of my daily living, in this way I grow, by practicing being who I want to be in life by doing what I’d hope future-Erik would do automatically. Committing to surround yourself with positive thoughts, things, and people is delightful in that it gives people who practice kindness and love their own coat, and these people wear it because it offers them a kind of warmth, a defense, borne from familiarity. This coat is a buffer, allowing positivity to calm emotional reactions towards negativity, awarding its wearers time to remember: “this isn’t personal, this has nothing to do with me, hurt people just tend to hurt people. Lemme make sure my response weakens this cycle of hate, not just become another link in its chain.”